This series of articles concerns itself with one thing: how to deal with that decision point concerning “the first compulsive bite.” It is geared towards those who are members of a 12-Step program and who are dealing with relapse.

There’s one thing noticeably absent here: any mention of what food to eat, or in what amounts, or when. If you are a member of a program that has a specific food plan, consider that food plan your abstinence. If you are a member of a 12-Step program without a specific food plan, it’s imperative that you develop one. Getting guidance from someone you can trust to help you make decisions concerning the details is crucial. We need objective third parties to help us, because after all, we know what the optimum food plan would be if left up to us: whatever we want, as much as we want, whenever we want it.

This article looks at dealing with one thing: the first compulsive bite. Take care of that one and all of the rest take care of themselves.

I’ve given a great many talks on relapse over the years – all from a 12-Step perspective. I believe the 12 Steps are definitely the key to long term abstinence. My talks have involved analyzing the mindset of a person about to relapse, how to avoid that, and many other helpful tips. I’ve even written a book about it. And yet, at the end of all of those talks, people would come up and say to me “All this is fine and good, but how do I go about getting out of my relapse? How do I stop?”

Stopping the relapse in its tracks is indeed the most important thing to deal with first. Experts agree that trying to work the Steps while continuing to self-medicate is a waste of time for all concerned. 12-Step programs speak about the two-fold nature of the disease: the allergy of the body and the obsession of the mind. However, for the most part, those programs are working on the obsession of the mind, because it’s assumed the user has already stopped. However, for those in relapse, this is not the case. This article, hopefully, can help you get to the jumping off point of diving into the program and the Steps.

First of all, the concept of “relapse” is often seen as an ongoing activity. The truth, however, is that a relapse involves many relapses. There is the important distinction those of us in relapse lost somewhere along the way: we all wake up abstinent in the morning. I would talk about “being in a relapse,” but in actuality I was starting a new relapse every day. We have to take the active step of eating things that are not on our food plan, or amounts greater than we want. This requires a decision on our parts – although for those in a longer relapse that decision might have been made a while back followed by resignation of being hopeless when it came to the food. When hope is lost during a relapse, that “should I?” or “shouldn’t I?” discussion at the moment of the first compulsive bite becomes almost irrelevant. The decision to “should I?” was made by my relapsing self as a blanket decision at some point and was acted on every day as if that decision had become immutable.

But it wasn’t – and isn’t.

The decision to stay abstinent can happen at any time, if the person in the relapse has the hope that maybe this time their abstinence will “stick.” So, the first step to pulling out of the dive of relapse is to again recognize the “should I?” or “shouldn’t I?” question, even if the answer is not currently in abstinence’s favor. Recognizing that there is a fork in the road is the first step towards taking one road or the other – towards abstinence or relapse.

Here’s the thing: all the things people in relapse hear about getting abstinent again, including from my writings and talks, are all theoretical. The absolute nexus of staying abstinent concerns that “should I?” or “shouldn’t I?” question. It still all comes down to the first unabstinent bite.

This is what those people were asking me to help them with after those talks I gave. They needed to rediscover “the fork in the road,” followed by a plan of what to do when they found themselves at that fork again. To that end, this is what this article and the six part program that I outline here is all about.

Being able to see yourself standing at the fork in the road is Step Zero. We need the Steps and Big Book to help us recover and stay recovered (and happy), but for many people they can’t get into the race because they can’t even make it to the starting line. This program works to move those people up to the starting line, which is Step 1.

As I have continued working as a drug and alcohol counselor, many various forms of therapy have helped people addicted to drugs and alcohol, but not many have attempted to modify any of these programs to help compulsive eaters get out of their relapse cycle.

After analyzing all that I know about relapse into the food (including my own relapses), I have developed what I think is a way to stand at the fork of the road and hopefully make the right decision. I have taken concepts from various other sources that people use to deal with very complex personal issues and modified them to deal specifically with relapse cycle as it pertains to food.

The way to Step Zero involves six components, all of which are interrelated and are represented by the diagram atop the next page. While it is possible to start anywhere and proceed in any order, the order I put things in for this article seem to make the most sense for dealing with relapse concerning food.

This is the program I will outline here. There’s one vital request from me: please read this all the way through. In this article, the six-part program is laid out in a specific order, but it could just as easily be addressed in a different order. This means that what might be the last step for some people might be your first step. To get there though, you have to read this to the end.

Just to reiterate, this is not a substitute for the Steps. It’s not meant to be seen as an alternative to the Big Book. What is written in the Big Book has helped millions to recover from a hopeless state of mind and body. In some ways, this can be thought of as a “prequel” to the book for those in an unremitting relapse cycle.
It sometimes helps to visualize the structure of a program, so let’s look at the diagram showing the different components of the program:

In the other articles in this series, I will lay out the six aspects of this program (please be careful to not get this “program” confused with the 12-Step program). As you can see from the diagram above, all of the aspects shown can affect each other. This made for a dilemma when I was writing this. Which one to begin with? Eventually, I decided to start with the one that is, in some ways, a bit difficult to conceptualize. This aspect, however, is the “foundation” upon which the entire program is built. Hopefully, I will do my job and explain it in a way that will make sense for you.