Having assessed your situation from without, it’s time to look within.  Sit still for a few moments and then write about what you are feeling.  Start with the body sensations.  “I am getting excited about going to eat my favorite binge food.  My heart is beating a little faster, I’m ready to stop this stupid exercise and get going.”

Next, let’s examine the disease and what it’s telling you.  What are the thoughts going through your head?  After all, you’ve been working on staying abstinent, so there’s going to be something the disease is telling you, although it will seem like you’re telling yourself.  Whatever those thoughts are, they are geared to make breaking your abstinence a little easier.  “I’ll just start again tomorrow.  I’ve had a hard day, so I deserve a reward.”  There are loads of these.  I’ve compiled a list from my workshops and it is in an appendix at the end of this series, in case you need more suggestions.

You’ve looked at your motivation, now let’s look at the plan.  What’s your next step?  “I’m going to put on my coat, go down to my car, drive over to the convenience store and buy a pint of ice cream.”  Will there be any excuses to make to anyone about your behavior?  “I have to tell my husband I am still hungry, that I didn’t eat enough at dinner.” Or perhaps: “I’m going to think of a reason to go out.  I’ll then get my food, sneak it into the house and eat it when I’m sure I’m alone.  I’ll then hide the evidence.”  Or even: “I’m going out to get my food, and I’ll stay out until I’m done and then throw away the evidence before I get home.”

Fast forward in your mind to the point at which you have the food and you’re about to eat it.  What’s the physical feeling?  Excitement?  How about the thinking going on in your head?  Is there any type of argument going on up there or is eating now just a fait d’accompli?  What’s it going to taste like?  How are you going to feel when you’re eating it?  Will you be enjoying it?  Will the food accomplishing anything for you physically?  Will it make you feel calmer? 

Having taken stock of what’s going on in your body and your mind, let’s dig a little deeper in the next writing exercise.